We've been busy at the Jones house this month. Lots of baking and cooking and Drew's been traveling quite a bit. It was a good month and we've been enjoying Sloan's break by sleeping in, shopping, sleep overs and more eating! Here are a few pics of the month!
We had a wonderful holiday and are looking forward to ending 2009 and making 2010 the best year yet!
All our love to our family and friends and wishing you all a joyous New Year!!
I was talking to my friend Dawn the other day about Santa and about whether her daughter Emerson went and saw him and it made me remember one of my favorite photos of Sloan.
Sloan was going through a "phase" at the time when she would get upset at people and decide she wasn't going to talk to them. We called it her "I'm Not Talking" face. I put a note on the back of this photo so I'd always remember and it reads, Sloan Danielle, 2 1/2 years old. ("I'm Not Talking!") Sloan loved Santa but did not like the lady taking her photo. She wouldn't smile because the lady kept talking to her and was being sugary sweet in order to get the photo and Sloan was having none of it! Little Miss Stubborn!
Even at 2 she was already so much like her momma!!
Sloan's coach recently posted photos on Facebook of the team and I thought I'd share them with everyone. Sloan's team did great this year and her coach did an awesome job. Sloan starts volleyball next week which means my little break of not running around is over! I'm ready for the volleyball season to start again though, its my favorite one to watch!
Today is my girls due date and we're doing something special today to remember the day. It's been a rough few months and I think things should be looking up for all of us as we put this day behind us and make something positive of it. Thanks to all my friends and family that have been so great! We really are lucky to have you!
In honor of Veteran's Day I wanted to post this photo of Drew. This is while he was serving in the Marines. He was only 20 years old and looks like a baby! Its hard to believe men this age serve our country, but I'm very thankful that they do!!
We had another busy weekend which I suppose isn't out of the norm for us, it seems once school starts Sloan keeps us pretty busy. We actually stayed home on Friday and I made a really nice meal (meaning nothing was microwaved) and we just watched some movies.
On Saturday we went to Sloan's basketball tournament. It was a good game but unfortunately the girls lost the game. They played great this year though and ended up placing 3rd in the regular season.
On Sunday we surprised Sloan by taking her to the Colts game. It was her first Colts game and she was super excited and had lots of fun. We took her to a tailgate some of Drew's friends were having to give her the full football experience. Drew's friends were really nice and we pigged out on steak fajitas! They cook according to what team they are playing, so Houston is fajitas, New Orleans, gumbo, etc.! Regardless it was better then any Mexican restaurant I've ever been to!
The Colts won the game (barely) and it was a nail biter for sure. We had a great time and can't wait to do it again!
Sloan got her school pictures back recently and I couldn't believe how much she's changed in just a year. When they are babies you get how much they grow but as they get older you sorta forget. I have a photo frame that has 2 sides to it and I always have the year before and the current year's school picture in it. Sloan of course likes to look at herself and analyze how fabulous she's become! The photo above is from 5th grade and the one below is her I'm so cool 6th grade photo!
She gets mad at me but I usually make her wear a black blouse every year because I have too many wacky photos of me in the '70's in some incredibly horrible clothes but I let her chose her hairstyle and she went for the whole Lauren Conrad from The Hills look.
I'd have to agree with Sloan, she is pretty darn fabulous!! Although where did my little girl go???
Sloan has student council elections tomorrow and she and I were talking about it in the car on the way home today and she was telling me they had to give speeches and come up with campaign slogans. I thought her friend Nick's slogan was the best!
Vote for Nick because I have a mustache!
Gotta love 6th graders!
This image is floating around on the internet and I had to post it. I know its not very politically correct but it's still pretty funny!
I wanted to share a poem Sloan entered for the Irvington Halloween Festival poetry contest. I know I'm her mom but I think its pretty darn good!
It's Halloween night,
Are you ready for a fright?
Ghost and ghouls roam the street,
leaves rustling beneath their feet.
Witches and monsters cackle and growl,
hear the eerie night owl?
The kids howl, shout, and greet,
waiting for their Halloween treat!
Those kids don't worry about those things in the dark.
For they are not real, those things in the park.
Or are they??
Happy Halloween!
Sloan had an awesome time at Shakamak and talked about a mile a minute when she got home yesterday. It was her grade that came up with the theme "The 80's" and of course it was the best year ever!!! Unfortunately Sloan came home with more then just good memories, she also came back with a nasty cough and a cold.
Here is a photo of all the girls that were painted and I have to admit it turned out pretty darn cute!
We finished up Sloan's costume for Shakamak today. I won't even talk about how much more expensive it is to dress 80's in 2009 ! I think her costume turned out awesome and she loves it. She told me she doesn't think she'll be able to sleep tonight because she's so excited for this weekend!
I can't wait until she comes home on Sunday to let me know how the trip went!
Sloan's getting ready to go to Camp Shakamak this weekend and her grade is hosting the weekend. They picked an '80's theme and are calling it Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.
The girls will be dressing and dancing to the music of the '80's and will try and guess whose mom is who by looking at their mom's 80's photograph, painting pet rocks and having a fashion show and having a MTV or Shak TV talent show!
This is one of the girls we painted for the weekend. There are 5 of them and someone else is going to paint the signs the girls are holding and the will say, Girls Just Want To Have Fun and will be placed in front of the camp entrance so everyone can see them when they drive in.
Our girl is a "bigger" girl but you gotta admit she's totally tubular!! I hope Sloan has a great weekend!
As I mentioned in my last post Sloan and I were going to see Kings of Leon on Friday night. We had so much fun. It was great to be able to experience Sloan's first concert with her. She started to get excited as we got closer to the concert. I don't think she had any idea how big it was going to be or how many people were going to be there. And since I have been listening to their CD's over and over again for the last 2 years she knew every one of the songs probably better then I did.
We had fun with the girls behind us who thought Sloan was cool for knowing all the songs and told Sloan how cool her mom was (duh) for taking her to see KOL. We also had fun making fun of the boys in front of us for yapping like girls and not listening to the concert. Sloan also got her first whiff of pot and I'm hoping she didn't get high and that I'm not getting her taken away from me, because truth be told it was pretty darn strong!
After the concert I got her the must have t-shirt every girl has to have to remember her first concert with, even if it did cost me $35.00. I think it will be money well spent though because she's worn it 3 days in a row and is planning on wearing it to gym class this week.
Then on our way home we listened to their last 2 CDS while belting out every tune and I couldn't help but think how I remembered how excited I was to do that very same thing many, many years ago at my first concert!
Not much has been happening on the Jones front lately which I guess is a good thing because it seems like for a long time only bad things seem to be happening to us. Although, maybe I'm speaking too soon because while Drew was away at Chicago last weekend someone hit the back of his car. (The one we just had fixed) Of course the person didn't leave a note so now our newly fixed car has a scratch on the right side.
Sloan has finished up kickball and has gone directly to basketball. Today I dropped her off at school at 6:45 in the morning for before school band practice (she plays the guitar) and did not pick her up until 4:45 when basketball practice ended. She's also been a little bit sick lately and I can't help but wonder if she's sick or just plain exhausted!
She has a pre-season basketball tournament on Saturday which I hope won't eat into our entire Saturday but I'm letting her skip practice tomorrow to take her to her first official concert and we're both super excited. We're going to see Kings of Leon. It's not as great as my first concert (Corey Hart) but I'm sure we'll still have a great time!
I took Sloan to guitar lessons last week and had to go in with her this time because she needed new strings. While we were waiting for the strings to be put on her guitar I started talking to Hans her guitar teacher. Let me tell you about Hans, first of all his name is Hans, its like his parents knew he was going to play guitar! He is awesome and even I think he is cool and truth be told Sloan probably has a bit of a crush on him. He is the type of person who you just like being around and you can tell he really enjoys teaching kids. In fact most of the kids in Irvington take guitar lessons from him and if you talk to any of the parents they say I'm not sure if my kid likes playing the guitar or hanging out with Hans!
In the middle of our conversation he told me that he and his wife were just heart-broken about us losing our girls and he wanted me to know they were still thinking about us. Then he told me they were not able to have children of their own and that is why he felt so bad for our loss and why they have puppies and why he teaches kids.
My heart sunk for he and his wife and I instantly thought as bad as my story is, here are these two really great people who deserve children and they can't even experience the bad thing I had happen to me. For the first time in a long time instead of saying why me I thought why them?
I know there is always someone that has it worse then you do but this was one of those moments and perhaps I was ready to get the lesson that everyone has their own sadness to deal with and sometimes the pain is alot worse.
Of course my glass emptied a bit after all this though because the next day the hospital where I delivered the girls called me to remind me my tour of the maternity ward was that day in which I replied to them, umm yea I sorta had the big tour last month. It was while I was saying the words the person on the other line must have pulled up something to see she'd made a horrible mistake and as bad as she felt I didn't feel so bad she felt bad. So rest assure I've still got that bit of negativity in me that you've all grown to love!!
I'm actually a digital and paper gal. Drew has tried to convince me to go completely digital but I just can't. I think it might be because I was a paralegal for 15 years and when you work in a law firm it was all about your attorney and your calendar. For years I had a work calendar and a personal calendar. When I started school again I chose to use a paper calendar. Its the whole seeing everything there in front of you that I like but what I really like is crossing off things I have accomplished. I'm a list maker and there is nothing better then crossing off your list, its just not the same to delete it.
The photo you see posted is strictly Sloan's calendar with every thing I need to remember. I also have another paper calendar for to do's and my appointments and in addition I have a calendar on my iPhone and my computer that I usually use for a back up that beeps at me to remind me not to miss an appointment.
I have lots of calendars and it drives Drew crazy but for some reason my system works. I don't like my to-do's to be mixed up, that's why I have more then one calendar. (Hello, I get it I'm a freak!) So I ask you what sort of calendar do you keep?
I was sitting on the bleachers yesterday waiting for Sloan to be done with kickball practice, their team was scrimmaging against another team and were about to wrap up their practice. Another team was playing a game later that evening and had started making its way over to the field.
The coach who was playing that night (who will remain nameless) called over to one of the other coaches and said, "Can I have the field?" The other coach said, "Sure, just one more out." Then the coach whose game was yesterday said as snotty as can be in front of about 30 girls and 5 or 6 parents, "Whatever, you'd think the team that was playing would have dibs on the field first but HEEEYYY that's just me!"
Unfortunately I made eye contact with the coach while this was said and I was asked, "Oh my God don't you agree?" My reply, "Ummmmm, it's kickball, not one of the things I tend to get too fired up about." Then I realized even though I was being asked a question, my response was not what the coach was looking for because by the time I finished my reply the coach had walked away.
These are the times where I dislike being a parent the most, interacting with parents I would never probably speak to if I didn't have a child that went to the same school. Its hard for me to be nice, hard for me not to be a smart ass but here's the thing, I am nice and I do suck it up because my daughter goes to school there and I think if I can put on my big girl pants and act appropriate for my child's sake I would hope a coach who is coaching our children in a CYO league could too.
Or maybe I'm just not cut throat enough to take kickball seriously enough and maybe that's why Sloan won't get that scholarship to Notre Dame to play kickball. Oh well, there's always that scholarship for four-square or dodgeball.
I'm all about what's new for the season in fashion and am the first to say what the heck, I'll wear a maxi dress or sure I'll give it a go with some gladiator sandals but a jean purse! No! No! No! I'm sorry denim bags weren't cool in the '80's and they are certainly not cool now. I don't care if Marc Jacobs or Miu Miu attach their logos in diamonds across it, its so bad!
What do you think would you carry a denim hobo bag?
I went to the doctor's for my follow up visit last week and as I expected the doctor told me that all my parts were back where they were supposed to be and physically I appear to be doing great.
We talked about why things might of happened and there are really no clear answers to why it happened. The girls were in perfect health and she believed the sac just broke which can happen when carrying multiples. She believes when the sac broke it caused the placenta to become infected which is why things ultimately went bad.
We talked about the possibility of us conceiving again and she told me there was some good news and bad news.
The good news is I was cleared for sexy time now. (Good news???)
More good news we could try having a baby in approximately 6 weeks. (The verdict is still out but yes good news.)
The bad news is if we conceived again we couldn't have "sexy time" for the entire time I was pregnant. (Bad news?)
She told me because I was a by the book pregnant woman that the next time around she was taking everything off the table that could possible cause anything to go bad (hence the no "sexy time" rule) and reassured me that the chances of what happened is less then the 1% chance of it happening in the first place.
On the emotional front, I feel like I'm feeling a bit better everyday, although there are times I break down for no apparent reason, it seems to come from left field, like a punch to the head. I'm heart broken about losing my girls but I'm trying very hard to look toward the future and concentrate and the many things I have to be thankful for, mainly my family and friends.
Anyways, if you try to get ahold of me in the next 6 weeks and you can't it probably means I have told Drew about the doctor's good news and bad news and he has locked me in our bedroom to take full advantage of what he thinks is bad news!
I have not had my hair cut or colored since May. The cut part I can deal with the color part, not so much. I had an appointment in July but had to cancel the appointment because I was in the hospital. Thankfully I have an appointment tomorrow. Of course then comes the uncomfortable moment, one I hadn't thought of until I went for a pedicure yesterday.
I sat down yesterday for my pedicure and the lady asked me in her unbroken english, "oh you have baby already?" It didn't even dawn on me that I would have to explain the situation to people because I just assumed everyone knew. Talk about making someone feel awful, I think I felt more bad for the girl who asked me the question and I know I'll have to face that akward conversation tomorrow.
Anyways, I told Drew how excited I was to get my hair done tomorrow and he replied...
Drew: Laurie, I thought you were letting your hair grow long again?
Laurie: I am, but I have to get it trimmed but more important I have to get rid of all these gray hairs.
Drew: (Smirking) Oh, I thought those were highlights, I thought they looked good!
Laurie: Good answer smart ass but we still can't have sex for a couple more weeks!
This fireplace has stressed me out (ok everything stresses me out) since I moved into this house over 4 years ago (I know I've lived somewhere over 2 years) and finally it no longer looks like I need a hunter green camel back sofa with burgundy curtains with gold tiebacks in the room. I hated these black shiny bathroom tiles on the fireplace and its finally been re-finished with the slate tile I've been longing for since moving in.
Stay tuned my creepy Silence of the Lambs bathroom downstairs is almost done too! Its really like Christmas in August for me!!
Today Sloan starts the 6th grade and I am like every other parent when I say where has the time gone? I can't believe my girl is in the 6th grade when I was just in 6th grade myself! Sloan has been ready to go back to school for a few weeks now but last night she "developed" a stomach ache and this morning she got a little teary eyed and told me she was nervous. I'm not sure why she would be other then she's my daughter, but honestly she's been going to school with the same group of kids for years now. (Maybe she thought picking the while uniform polo with 4 buttons was a mistake)
I know tonight at dinner I'll hear what shoes and backpacks all her friends had because at Catholic schools its all about the shoes and backpack. I'm sure its no surprise that Sloan picked out a peace signed messenger bag and a pair of Converse to wear today.
I'm a bit bummed today, its one of my milestone days in my head, the one when Sloan goes back to school I'll be 7 months pregnant milestone. On the last day of school last year I pictured me walking Sloan into class proudly displaying my belly and saying hello to the teachers. Instead I elected to drop Sloan off at the front door and go for a 4 mile walk by myself and cry while I listened to the Into the Wild soundtrack. Sweat and tears is almost as good as a bottle of wine I have to admit!
I'm feeling better now and anxious to hear about how Sloan's first day at school and kickball practice goes and whether she got embarrassed by the card I put into her lunch box telling her how much I love her!!
As you see I posted a photo I found of Sloan and I on her first day of preschool, I posted one of her by herself at preschool last year but this is one of Sloan's favorite photos that she keeps in her room. The other two photos are of her today, one taken for me so I can send to grandparents and the other one for Sloan's collection of peace-signed poses!
Yesterday, I had to drive to Zionsville and pick Drew up from the Progressive office because he was dropping the Acura off to have fixed. (Goodbye $500.00 deductible) I was close to running late because it was one of those mornings where truly everything goes wrong. I'm trying to get Sloan ready for school and get her all her books and appointments taken care of and with each phone call I make it requires me to make 4 more phone calls.
I had to get Drew at 2:00 and noticed it was close to 1:30 so I stopped what I was doing and jumped in the Jeep. Dammit, I'd forgotten I wanted to get to the dump in the morning. My jeep was filled with an old door and a ton of cardboard boxes that were from our bathroom renovation. Why do we have garbage in the jeep do you ask? Oh heaven's sake people, our garbage men don't collect that kind of garbage they only take 7 BAGS of garbage a week. (Another job I'm thinking of applying for if I don't get on the police force!)
So there I am in my Jeep, loaded up with garbage and as I'm driving I hear the wind blowing quite strongly through my car. I look and notice the back window is down so I push the automatic window to close it and what do you know, the window doesn't go up!! (The back window power window is broke!)
Ok..so now I'm driving to Zionsville with the wind whipping through the car loaded up with garbage, Yee haw!! I get to Zionsville and am about 2 blocks from the Progressive office and I notice my jeep is swaying to the right and then all of a sudden my jeep gets the familiar bumping feeling when you have a flat tire. (Here's the part when I want to kill someone.) As I'm trying to turn into the gas station I have 3 cars slow down and mouth to me and point to my tire and say, "You have a flat tire!" (Really???!!!!! Is that why my car was vibrating across the road with sparks flying, seriously does anyone really need to be told they have a flat tire!!)
At this point really I'm just done I have thrown up my hands and have truly just given up. I call Drew and tell him what has happened and he said he'd be right over. As I'm sitting at the gas station looking across the street at the Super Target in front of me it dawns on me, I'm in Zionsville, the city I should be living in if it wasn't for the crazy lady who decided to sue me this year a day after we put a $5,000.00 deposit down on our home lot and ended up not getting the house for fear we'd lose our current house in the lawsuit and then paying over $10,000 in lawyer fees and a settlement. If I wasn't done 5 minutes ago before realizing this now I'm really done and about ready to start crying right there at the gas station. 2009 has sucked ass!
Drew luckily gets there before I hold up the gas station or highjack someone's car and he has decided to just bite the bullet and got a rental car. He changes my tire and the whole time he is cracking jokes and takes the attitude at this point Laurie we just have to laugh at ourselves because this crap doesn't happen to anyone else. He proceeds to change the tire but not without getting grease all over his hands and shirt. When he is done he tells me to take the rental and he'll take the jeep and head over to the dump to get rid of the garbage.
He gets into the jeep filled with garbage with the broken window with the grease all over his hands, shirt and now face and winks at me and says in his best Nascar twang, "Baby, I bet you've never wanted me so badly!"
Funny thing, he's absolutely right!
Sloan and I were on our way to get her 6th grade immunizations today. We were sitting at a red light at 21st and Arlington, which I will add, not the safest place in Indianapolis, when a car slammed on its brakes and hit us extremely hard from behind. (Sloan is fine, and I just have a headache) As quickly as the man hit me was as about as quick as he was backing up and heading the opposite direction.
I called the police and told them about the accident and waited until they came. Once they got there I told them the man was in his mid 30's, medium built, wearing a white t-shirt, was black and was driving a green '93-'94 SHO Taurus and his last 4 digits of his Indiana license plate was 2964.
After finishing up his report I asked him if they were going to look into finding the man that did this to me by running the plate number. You would of thought I'd had just asked him the most ridiculous question in the world. He told me they weren't going to do anything and that's why I should be observant when I am hit so I'd be able to give the police more information next time if something like this happens again.
Seriously, are you kidding me, was I supposed to get the guy's social security number and his mother's maiden name? How is it that the person who is hit is the person whose made to feel they've done something wrong? Also, if all you have to do as a police officer is fill out a police report and not do anything else but make innocent people feel like crap, then sign me up, I can so do that!
(On a side note to God, come on give me a break already!)
Sloan went with me to drop off Drew's dry-cleaning today and since we've been playing catch up around the house I dropped off over 15 shirts. Sloan couldn't believe how many shirts I was dropping off and said to me very seriously and caring...
Sloan: Mom, that really is the downside to being married to a professional.
I get that question alot these days and rightfully so, I am blessed to have great friends and a wonderful family that cares about me. Hell, I can't get mad at people for asking, I ask myself everyday how am I feeling!
Years ago my best friend lost her beautiful son shortly after giving birth and I remember at the time how incredibly sad I was for her, but people are right you don't really get it until you go through it yourself and even then you don't really know what they've gone through because everyone is different. I asked her recently how did you get through it and she said, what I have learned from other bad things that I've been through that time helps but the wow moment came when she said, Laurie you are getting through it and she's right, I'm getting through this regardless if I want to or not.
Every morning I wake up, I shower, I get dressed, I eat, I hug Sloan and Drew and tell them I love them and then get through the day. Am I sad? Yes, I am more sad then I probably ever been in my life and I cry alot too, and it comes from nowhere and at no particular time. Everything is still a constant reminder of my girls being gone. My body is starting to feel normal again but for weeks as my body was still recovering I had to be constantly reminded that my girls were gone. As much as I wanted to feel better again I knew once I did it would be another end to what had happened.
Endings are hard, after giving birth, after the memorial, after friends have left the house, after Drew goes back to work, etc., again reminders life goes on regardless if you want it to.
Then there are little things, like Sloan going back to school next week, in my mind I had thought of this time and I would've been 7 months pregnant, or when the fall festival was going on I would've been ready to pop or when Sloan went on her girl scout camping trip I'd have to stay home because it was on the bubble of me giving birth or the fact we were going to stay home and have Christmas alone because we didn't want to travel with the girls yet. I know as those events happen its going to be hard for me.
Its also extremely hard for me to go out, everywhere I look there are pregnant women or people walking with strollers and I can't help but feel sorry for myself and think why not us, why aren't they here? The worse so far was going to the fair last night getting stuck behind a couple with identical twin baby girls and then 10 minutes later not being able to get away from a baby that wouldn't stop crying. Lets just say my body or (boobs) were responding pretty heavily to this crying baby and again its just another kick to the gut.
Everytime a card comes to our house or someone sends flowers its a reminder of the loss. Hospital and doctor bills the size of a mortgage (yes a mortgage that could buy a beautiful house in Zionsville) with nothing to show for is a reminder. The reminders never seem to end.
I am sad and then get angry and I go from 0-100 in a matter of minutes. I can't help but think at least 100 times a day I should still be pregnant, I should still be feeling the babies kick and move, I should still be bitching about heartburn and swollen feet and my family should still be excited about how great its going to be to have 2 little girls in our lives. What about all the pretty clothes in their closets (that I can't bear to look at) and late night feedings and fights over whose going to change their diapers? What about our plans to buy a new swing set or playtime in the blow up pool? What about their first day of preschool and Christmas programs and what about worrying about how we're going to pay for them to go to college?
I thought it be easier, I didn't have time to know them like I know Sloan but its just as hard, I knew them, I carried them, I loved them and I had the same hopes and dreams for them. Can we have another baby, of course but they won't be Harper and Nora. Am I grateful for Sloan, yes, I always have been, but I'm still sad about our loss. I know I'm still basically the same person now as I was prior to this, if you're my friend and I know in my heart you're my friend if you ask me how I'm doing I'll tell you, but if you knew me in 3rd grade and haven't talked to me since but asked me on facebook how I'm doing I'll delete my account and become that more private, that's nothing new. Will I get what needs to get done and be a good mom and wife, hell yes, but will I scream at you out of the blue when I've held it in for too long, of course, I am still basically the same person I have always been all my life. I'm stubborn and if you expect me to act a certain way I will probably act the opposite way just in spite of you, but will need you even more if I have always cared about you, but you gotta let me do it my way. (I'm a pain in the ass remember)
So how I am feeling? I'm getting through this but its going to take time, how much, I don't know, but I do know this, as much as I am the same person, the old Laurie will probably never come back, I already know I've changed because of this, and can only hope everyone accepts the new Laurie.
Our girls, Nora Kristine and Harper Elizabeth did not make it and I gave birth to them on July 30th after a long and hard labor. The girls were very tiny and very beautiful. I'm not really ready to talk about things yet but I do want to thank our family and friends for being so incredibly supportive. I am also very thankful to my doctor who was beyond amazing and the nurses who took such good care of my family and myself. Most of all I want to thank Sloan and especially Drew for helping me get through this and am blessed to say we've only become closer because of this tragedy.
Sometimes saying hello and good-bye in the same day is worth the sorrow.
Today was pretty uneventful and stable which is a good thing in my situation. The babies heartbeats were strong, Baby A's was 160 and Baby B's was 140. You can visibly see the girls kicking my stomach which is pretty great. I slept pretty good and perhaps I'm just getting used to being at the hospital. I actually slept in until 8:30 a.m., after falling asleep around 11:30. The nice thing about last night was no one woke me up until 6:00 a.m.
Once I woke up I learned from my nurse that my doctor came in and checked on me at around 7:30 a.m. but decided to let me sleep. All I could think is the 20 different people who work at the hospital have no problem waking me up and here my doctor the one person I'd welcome waking me up let me sleep.
My doctor came back in the afternoon and it was nice because she just took some time out of her day just to chat with me and even told me a little bit about her life. She truly is a great person and doctor. She did tell me that each week they would do a CBC which is a blood test and what they were most focused on was my white blood count. I had my test this evening and everything was within normal limits and they were happy with the results because alot of times just being pregnant will result in a higher test result.
I'd have to say the most anxious time of the day comes everyday when they take my temperture to check for a fever which can be a sign for infection. I don't know about anyone else but my temp fluctuates anywhere from 98.3 to 98.9 throughout the course of the day. Lets just say I'm in a great mood for the next four hours its 98.3 and not so great when it gets to 98.9.
I also have a new found respect for nurses. I've never really been sick and have never stayed the night in the hospital before other then when I gave birth to Sloan. My nurses are amazing and upbeat and are taking such good care of me. Honestly the only people that work in the hospital that I like seeing is my nurses, a resident and my doctor.
As I get ready to go to bed, I would have to say all in all it was a very good day and one day closer.
My doctor came to see me at about 9:00 this morning. I don't think I was ever so glad to see someone. I feel very lucky that I like my doctor so much, she has a way of making me feel a bit calmer and she has a great bedside manner. I really appreciated the fact that she spent 45 minutes with me answering my many questions.
She advised me that the fluid around both of the girls looks very good and it is her opinion that we should proceed with the pregnancy and her motto is to let nature take its course. She also told me what I already knew that really its in God's hands and there is no way of predicting anything because everyone's body is different but she has seen medical miracles happen everyday. Although I understand this concept I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it because I'm wired to want to know all the facts and to need to know the final outcome. (Another lesson to learn perhaps?)
They will do a blood count this week and will do another ultrasound in a couple weeks. On the downside, I can't take my wheelchair rides anymore because she'd rather have me in bed for the next 2 weeks. She told me there was no need to seek any high risk medical help at this time but they are right here if we need them.
Twenty four weeks seems to be the magic number though, its when I'll be able to get the steroids to help the babies develop their lungs and its when I can get medication to stop labor if it happens. I am 21 weeks and 6 days today and she also suggested a small party every week, something to look forward to. (I wonder if I can celebrate with pina coladas?)
I also learned that Methodist Hospital and Riley Hospital work very close together when it comes to my type of case and once the babies are born there would be no reason to transfer them to Riley's unless they have a heart condition. Methodist is known to have the best NICU unit in Indiana.
I learned that losing a small amount of fluid each day wasn't something to be terribly concerned with and many women lose fluid throughout their entire pregnancy. I took my last round of antibiotics today and now we just wait and pray I do not get any sort of infection. At this point infection is really the main focus and if I come down with a fever they will start the antibiotics again. Infection is obviously bad because it can hurt the babies but also can make me very sick.
Today I learned this whole ordeal is pretty serious because all the doctors and nurses that were off this weekend came into my room and smiled and said, "Oh, you don't know how glad I am to see you!" (Trust me I know its not because of my sparkling personality!)
Every morning my nurse checks the babies heartbeats and today Baby A's heartbeat was 120 and Baby B's was 140. A milestone happened today though, my nurse felt Baby A kick. This is the first time someone besides me felt one of the babies. (Sorry Drew) Some of you have asked about the heartbeats and I wanted you to know that their heartbeats will fluctuate greatly from 100-160 depending on if they are sleeping, moving, burping, etc.
My doctor said I need to concentrate on keeping my mind active and these next 2 weeks will be hard, so if anyone has any suggestions on a fun project or craft let me know. I've never been much of a crafter but I guess Martha Stewart better look out now!!
(This is what I have to look at everyday, its like Chinese water torture watching that flippin' clock!)
I can't believe a week ago I was walking in the house after being gone on vacation. I never imagined 7 hours later I'd end up being in the hospital. I miss my house, our day to day routine and even though it maybe hard to believe I miss Lilly. Drew also reminded me that we've only slept in the same bed together for 5 hours in the last 17 days!
Today was pretty uneventful, there have been no changes to report. I don't know how but I'm pretty tired today but I suspect its just from being so worried. I did have my IV removed today and they are going to keep it out for the time being as long as things stay the same. I'm also still going on my wheelchair rides with Drew and Sloan.
I am hoping that once my nerves calm down a bit I can read some of my magazines and books that everyone has brought for me. I think my main problem is that I worry about every little ache and pain and I keep forgetting I'm pregnant and I'm going to have pregnancy symptoms.
Drew has brought me dinner the last two nights. The food isn't too horrible in the hospital but for some reason it all has a hospital smell to it that is already starting to get to me.
My doctor will be in tomorrow and hopefully I'll have some new information to report.
As most of you know I've been in the hospital since 4:00 a.m. Monday night. I finally got internet at the hospital so I will try and update daily so my family and friends can be kept on top of how the babies, Sloan, Drew and I are doing.
I returned from vacation last Sunday night about 9:00 p.m. I was very happy to be home because I was extremely tired and I missed Drew very much. The pregnancy hormones have made me an incredible mushball. Looking back I haven't felt myself for a couple weeks but I kept chalking it up to the fact that I was having twins and that I am 39 years old. I try not to think about being 39, and I've only been 39 for a little over a month but I've never in my life been told how old I am this many times.
I had a trip to the E/R while I was on vacation. I woke up one morning and my feet were incredibly swollen and I was having a hard time catching my breath. They ran a series of tests, EKG, blood test and a CT scan and my diagnosis was I was 39 and having twins.
Drew and I went to bed around 11:00 p.m. on Sunday and I woke up around 3:15 for my usual bathroom break. While walking up the stairs I felt a little discomfort but thought I was probably tired and pregnant. I laid back down and after about 2 minutes it felt like I was actually peeing the bed! I thought, oh come on, this cannot be happening and this cannot be right. I got up and went to the bathroom and I knew I wasn't going to the bathroom because I was completely unable to control myself. I woke Drew up and called my doctor and they told me to get to the E/R.
After a series of test they confirmed my suspicions and indeed my water had ruptured. This condition is called PPROM. I was admitted to the hospital and was told this was very serious and there would be a good chance that I would lose the babies and it could be that day. They took an ultrasound and found the tear was in Baby B's sac but the good news was there was still fluid in the sac. The ultrasound also revealed I was probably around 21 weeks and not 22 weeks pregnant and the girls both weighed close to a pound.
For a week I have been treated with antibiotics by IV and orally and they check my vitals every 2 hours to make sure I do not come down with a fever or infection and they make sure I am not leaking. So far I've been lucky, no temp and no leaking and my body is responding well to the antibiotics. Physically I have actually felt better then I have in about 3 weeks. The downside is I've been on the internet a little too much and even though I have always given my friends and family the advice not to look on the internet when they are sick I have done exactly that. That damn internet has made it nearly impossible for me to fall asleep at night and has made me feel completely helpless.
For the most parts my spirits are pretty good but late at night seems to be worse for me. I can't help but think why me, I don't drink, smoke, I don't drink caffeine, I eat healthy, I take my prenatal vitamins and visit my doctor and then you see women who hurt their bodies and have a perfectly healthy babies. It doesn't help that they are checking my vitals at midnight, two, four and the doctors make their rounds at six. Another downside to all this is my doctor has been out of the country this week and doesn't return until Monday. I have seen many doctors and each one has a different take on the matter so I feel like I really need to put this in God's hands and know at the end of the day I've done the best that I can do for these babies.
A timeline of what is to come next is I see my doctor on Monday and she will decide how much longer I will be on my antibiotics, once I am off them I will lay here and they will monitor me like they always have, at 24 weeks I will receive steroids for the babies to help develop their lungs, 25 weeks is a good milestone for the babies and they are able to do more if I were to go into labor early. I try hard to focus on today but I can't help but wish these next few weeks away.
Lastly, I want to thank Drew who is the most amazing husband ever who keeps me strong and looks at only the positive, Sloan for being here for me everyday and making me laugh and for crying with me and being my best nurse ever, my mom for rushing to Indy to help us and the rest of my family and friends who have prayed and visited and kept in contact with us during this hard time. I feel blessed to have you all in our lives!
Keep the prayers and positive thoughts coming our way!
I took this photo a few weeks ago when we stayed with Ya Ya Kris. Since I can't sleep, I'm up early and what do I end up doing?
I stared at Sloan while she slept. Creepy?? Probably, but as a mom I don't think its something you ever get tired of. No matter how much they drive you crazy, I guarantee if you go in their room while they are sleeping I guarantee your heart will melt and you will think your child is the most perfect creation on this earth!
I'm now in my 5th month of pregnancy and finally starting to look pregnant and not like a blobby fat tree stump. I am still feeling really great or at least I think I feel great until I try and do anything for longer then 20 minutes at a time. My appetite is still not great but I have managed to finish a few meals this month and today was actually the first time that I sorta snacked all day. My mother-in-law, Kris, totally caught onto my moving my food around my plate and placing a napkin over my barely eaten meals while we were visiting and Drew and Sloan have both threatened to tattle to my doctor about not eating enough.
The last week or so the pain in my stomach has become pretty noticeable and by the end of the night I am wiped out and it literally feels like my uterus is going to fall out. I doubt that will happen though because my doctor and my ultrasound tech told me what a great uterus I had. Which leads me to this question, how does one respond to that? Oh thank you, I've been working out?
Sleeping is another thing that has changed, I'm usually in bed early and I'm up even earlier, I rarely sleep past 7:30 a.m. Rolling over in bed is pretty funny too, I should charge admission to watch the walrus roll over, because that's seriously how I feel. I have also noticed that if I lay too long on one side my side really aches as if to tell me, just how much weight do you think one hip can support?
This all leads me to the most obvious observation, I'm only 20 weeks pregnant! A part of me wants my pregnancy to last and I want to enjoy every moment because this will be the last time I am pregnant, the last summer with Sloan and the last time I can have free time just for me for the next 10 years or so but I can't help but wonder how bad is this all going to get?
As always though, I feel blessed to have two healthy girls in my belly and I am really enjoying the fluttering around they're doing. Another perk is watching Sloan talk to the babies everyday and kissing my belly twice. All in all its really been pretty great!
Update: Ok after looking at my picture, maybe I still look like a tree stump!
Unless you dress your boys in purple then the answer is baby girls!!! I could not be more excited, I secretly or maybe not so secretly wanted and prayed for girls. I wanted boys for Drew but I really, really, really wanted girls for me. Everytime I'm out shopping the girls section pulls me to it and the boys sections make me frown and be grumpy. I will also admit to this little secret, I can't even begin to picture me with boys, well at least not picturing me in a mental hospital for a few months.
Drew and I planned on getting pregnant and the news of twins was a shock but I thought, hmmm...perhaps a boy and a girl that would be nice. Then we went to our next ultrasound and we learned that the babies were identical which ruled out the boy and girl factor and the thought of two boys sent my heart racing and not in a good way. I know these babies are going to give me a run for my money but knowing I've been down the girl road before helps me ease my nerves a bit. Don't get me wrong I think boys are awesome, in fact, I married one but I don't know how I'd cope with one more unknown and this is seriously only because of my how my little OCD mind works.
Sloan is so excited she can't even stand it, she says she can't wait for them all to be best friends and to play dress up and to be each other's bridesmaids at each others weddings. I'm so excited that she'll have sisters to tell secrets to and to even bitch about me behind my back to!
As much as Drew wanted boys he is thrilled to death after seeing the ultrasound this morning. Baby A weighs in at 9 ounces and Baby B weighs in at 7 ounces. The doctor asked us if we'd be ok hearing the news that he only sees 2 perfect little girls in which we happily replied YES!
Notice the photo I posted, Sloan came to my appointment prepared, she wore a pink and blue striped polo so she could root for whatever team it ended up. We picked up these shirts on the way home because Drew saw them a few months ago and got a kick out of them, but please note, these shirts will be the only matching outfits these girls will wear, I will not be one of those mom's who put their kids in matching outfits, which probably gives you the next clue that the girls names won't rhyme and will not start with the same letter!
Our next ultrasound is in 4 weeks and will get more frequent after that, as I have mentioned before they want to keep a close eye on the weight gain of both girls to make sure they are both developing at the same rate but for today I have to say I'm about as excited as a girl can get!
This marks my 11th year taking Sloan to one of my most favorite places, New Buffalo, Michigan. Its a bit bittersweet because its my last year with just her before the twins are here. We always do the same thing, eat cheeseburgers at Redamak's, go shopping on the boardwalk, go antique shopping at Da Barn (next to Redamaks/they don't have a website) and relaxing on Lake Michigan. The downside I couldn't drink a Rolling Rock with my burger, the upside I actually finished a meal for the first time in a century. The weekend could not of been more perfect, good food, a good book, good shopping, perfect weather and more memories with my best girl!
One of my to do's this summer is to put my photos into some sort of order and I'm finding some embarrassing things! These photos are of my very first apartment way back in 1991 when I was only 21 years old. I loved my place and was so proud of it and it was all mine! I was finishing up college at the time and working at Schoop's Hamburgers as a waitress and also at Fieldcrest Cannon as a salesperson. Basically, I was broke but looking back I have to admit it was one of the happiest times of my life.
My apartment was tiny and my decorating budget was small but because I worked at Fieldcrest Cannon I had Ralph Lauren and Royal Velvet Towels and 310 thread count sheets! I personally love my cow-themed kitchen but I think the piece that will probably be showcased in Dwell Magazine next month is that fancy headboard of mine in the bedroom!
I'd like to think my style has evolved a bit since these photos but I haven't gotten to the photos of my previous houses yet. Stay tuned...
We just got home from being gone for almost 10 days, the last 5 days were spent in Chicago and I think I may have overdid it with the walking because I haven't left my bedroom today. All of a sudden my belly feels like it weighs 100 pounds and although I hate to admit defeat it sorta hurts!
Sloan sucked it up and kept me company today and watched bad lifetime movies with me. We had some pretzels and cheese for a snack in the afternoon and I'll replay the conversation for you.
Sloan: Mom...is that 2 pretzels under your boobs?
Laurie: Hmmmm....(reaching but not seeing anything) yes it is! Thank you!
Is it sad that I'm losing food because my boobs and tummy are too big? Thank goodness Sloan's looking out for me!
I just wanted to wish my best girl Sloan a very happy birthday. She turned 11 years old today and I can't believe how fast time has flown by. It seems like just yesterday she was learning to feed herself oatmeal! I am truly blessed and thank God for her everyday. She has been a joy from the get go and probably the easiest child to ever raise. She and I have been through alot through the years and we've gotten through it together and are closer and happier because of it. She still makes me smile when I see her sleeping and can make me laugh like no one else can. I wish her all the happiness and joy in the world and I hope she knows her mommy will always love her and will always be there for her. She was the best birthday gift I ever got or will ever receive!
Happy Birthday Sloan!!!
Last weekend Drew, Sloan and I cleaned our garage out and it seems like whenever we are outside a neighbor will come by to see what we are up to. We've been in the house for about 4 years and during this time our neighbors have seen at least 5 dumpsters in our driveway and countless tradesmen van's parked next to it.
None of my neighbors read my blog but I need to spout off a bit. If I have to hear one more time how much the previous owners cared about this house and how they were always working on it and how it was so cute when they lived here I am going to scream! I'm not exaggerating I think we have heard this comment at least 20 times! Ok I admit the house was cute when Drew moved in if you like 1980's country cute! Here's my biggest problem, we have replaced the roof, some windows, the plumbing, the plaster, the entire kitchen, the entire bathroom, the electrical and currently we are fixing the sewage problem, the doors, sealing the leaks in the basement floors and keeping up with the termites the previous homeowners left us to deal with.
So excuse me if I don't think the previous owners were all that but its a little hard to swallow especially when everyone who reads my blog knows about my legal trouble when I sold my home that was in fact beautiful and well taken care of!
